This book
deserves being my first M/M romance review and more. Nothing has thrown me off the loop like this book has. To be honest I didn't even expect
Nyrae Dawn to be also one of my favourites,
Riley Hart, but now knowing she wrote that book but under her 'other personality'? I love her even more. The feelings that were evoked within me reading this book? I didn't expect at all.. God. I don't know how to explain it. I wish I found the words because to be honest, I put this review off for a while now, not purposely, I just wanted to keep Toby & Levi to myself then share them with the world whenever I wanted to. I'm still reliving them after 3.5 months. Going into this book without knowing who Nyrae was or what the book was about was a satisfying feeling.
Tobias Jackson and
Levi Baxter are a force to be reckoned with, individually and together. They were in every way perfect. Imperfectly perfect. I'm in every way grateful too that they were my first ever interracial couple. What the story began with, how it developed and then how it ended, I don’t know how to describe it, and it got me feeling things I thought didn’t make sense, I just
knew the book will end in a way I’d be rendered speechless and damn, I was.
They’re both so similar it’s uncanny but so different too - Levi hides behind his cocky, ‘I get everything’ persona whereas Toby hides behind his closed off personality. Together they make up for the missing pieces that exist individually; their chemistry is amazing too. I just want my own goddamn Levi. I want his alluring, mischievous, beautiful personality showered upon me, maybe a bit of Toby’s mysteriousness too. God, they’re part of my soul.
Reading so many books in my life up until now, I thought I'd relate somehow more to a female character as you know I'm a female but nope, that didn't happen, not until I read this book. I still hurt in knowledge, there's people out there like me. Fiction or not, they exist. God. Just know, I understood Toby's loneliness and his wanting to fit in. I get his wanting of being accepted. Not only he but I understood Levi's choices, should he do what his parents would love him to do or should he fuck all and do what he
truly wants? I get his artistic mind and wanting to do that rather than what's expected. They both just want to be accepted in every different way. It sucks, really does how I realised a lot of things through them characters, like I can
believe there are people out there struggling with acceptance, individuality, doing what their parents want but sacrificing their own passion, living what some would call a double life but merely just existing and so much more that, can be easily ignored. It’s heart-breaking and relieving at the same time.
This book emotionally tore me apart, for days, after, I wept and acknowledged how unfair life can truly be sometimes. These characters including the secondary ones whom I love very much and they made up the book too, left such an impact on me that is unbreakable, it physically hurts and was/is emotionally awakening. Nyrae, you have torn my heart into pieces and I don’t think I have
hundred thousand words to describe these immense feelings. Goddamn lady!
The book was in only Toby’s POV but I wouldn’t have it any other way, being in his POV, you fall in love with him more and Levi, you actually find out what goes in his head for such a laid back person, also, it made everything look realistically perfect and not at all dramatized nor is it exaggerated and that’s the beauty of Nyrae’s writing; her words flow with reality and flawlessly execute fiction stories into lifelike. It’s beautiful that way, its brilliant. What they dealt with, I’m sure every other person has.. It’s hell of a skill to be able to fictionalize real life situations to different characters with different personalities and problems, god. Thank you Nyrae for the book, realization and HEA.
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